Crochet is Hard?

You may walk through a store sometime and see the cutest top ever. It could be blue with little crocheted designs on it. You think to yourself “Wow, that’s really nice!” and check the price. If this cute piece of work is out of your price range, you may just do the calculations in your head an suddenly a brilliant idea comes into your head. ‘If I just had one of my friends make this for me, I could get it for real cheap or even free!’

Good for you, you have a generous friend who can crochet (or knit, we do not discriminate here at cynicalteenager). You can make them spend hours, possibly days crocheting this top for you for no cost to you. Nice.

crochet-1

Now, I’m just a little salty that everyone thinks crochet is sooooo goddamn easy. Honey, if you think crocheting is that easy, do it yourself. Reading a crochet pattern is like reading a different language. I like to challenge people to tell me what certain crochet patterns are saying.

Here’s a quick, easy, little example:

ch 22.

Anyone with any crocheting experience knows exactly what this says, but do other people?  Here’s another example, but a little more complicated:

Sc in 2nd ch from hook, *dc in next ch, sc in next ch; repeat from * across-21 sts

This is still pretty simple, just with a few more steps.

Try this one:

colour:0 sc8, colour:4 sc1, colour:0 sc5, colour:4 sc2, colour:0 sc2, colour:4 sc5, colour:0 sc2, colour:4 sc1, colour:0 sc3, colour:4 sc2, colour:0 sc4, colour:4 sc1, colour:3 sc15, colour:2 sc1, colour:0 sc9, colour:2 sc1, colour:3 sc5, colour:2 sc1, colour:0 sc9, colour:4 sc2, colour:0 sc2, colour:4 sc6, colour:1 sc13

Good luck with that one.

crochet-3

Let me tell you, crochet is time-consuming and expensive as well. A thing of good yarn costs like $3 right now, and most projects take more than one skein. It may cost someone ten dollars to crochet that top for you and probably at least ten hours, depending on the hook size, speed of the individual, and complexity of the pattern.

So next time, please do not underestimate the effort that crochet requires. If someone, including your grandmother, gives you a crochet gift, show the love a little with a thank you note 🙂

English IV Honors is gone?

At my school, course selection sheets have just come out, and EVERYONE is chattering about how English IV honors is no longer being offered to seniors. Now, the only classes offered are ESOL, college-readiness (the flunky class), AICE Literature, AICE General Papers, and AP Literature.

At first, I was quick to dismiss the complaints as just that. Empty, angsty complaints. After all, how privileged do you have to be to really give a hoot about what English course is offered senior year. Let’s face it, you’re not going to try anyway. It is senior year, the year most notorious for senioritis and general laziness. Why does English IV matter?

However, the more I thought about it, the more befuddled I became. The whole situation was just plain unnecessary. If English IV had remained on the selection sheet, there would be no harm. Just the opposite, actually. Many students take a free period senior year to work at a job or enjoy themselves. Now, with the only only real option for senior English classes being college-level classes, those seniors now have to work that much harder in a class they did not want to take in the first place. And all for what? I’ll tell you why.

Money.

Every student that passes the AICE or AP exams in the Spring earns the school additional funding. So, by making most seniors take a college class, the chance of more kids passing the exam increases drastically. On a basic level, my school is profiting from forcing kids to take exams they did not want to take.

Now, I understand that my school needs money. I am completely fine with that. Schools pretty much get the funding equivalent to the worth of the gum found on the bottom of the governor’s shoe. But the move towards all college classes is illogical.

It is like inflation, or the Flynn Effect. The Flynn Effect refers to the gradual increase in IQ scores since testing began around eighty years ago. Researchers are not sure if the test is the issue, or if increased food supply, medicine, education, and technology are to blame for the inflation of the scores. Let’s say you have an IQ of 100, average. Back in 1940, that may have meant you were in the middle, while now it may make people think you are a dumb ass.

This is very similar to what the administrators are doing to English students. Standards are going to have to be lowered in the courses to accommodate those not ready or not willing to take the college-level class, or all the students’ little mommies are going to complain to the school board that little Johnny is flunking AICE General Papers. So, the work required is lowered, and many people achieve high marks. If you are an alumni of the school, and took the class when the standards were higher, your ‘A’ is now meaningless.

Then Spring rolls around, and AP and AICE tests are upon us. All the flunkies who took the class to get the credit are going to A) not even show up the exam B) Christmas-tree it C) try, yet still not understand it because they are stupid as hell, or D) have no idea what they are doing because the class was way easier than the test. In all these scenarios, the student has a snowball’s chance in hell of passing, and all of the work put in over the year is in the dumps. The pass rate of the exam falls, and over all, the move to all college classes was a waste of time. And the mommies still end up complaining to the school board about how little Johnny did not pass his exam, and how it is all the school’s fault.

And, yeah, it kind of would be.

I hope they end up putting English IV Honors back so I don’t have to deal with stupid kids in my Literature class next year, but it is not the end of the world. I only have a year left. Thank God for that.