Gosh Darn Math

Grade school math sucks. There is no way around it. Grade school math, especially in the higher maths and the aimless word problems, is a complete waste of time.

Or is it?

I have come across a task today in which I feel a tad ridiculous. I used the damn word problem bullshit I have come to expect from Algebra 2. It is official; I have used this so called ‘pointless’ math.

I woke up this morning with the urge to make strawberry kiwi jam. Yes, you read that right. Without any prompting, I wanted to make a batch. Mind you, I have only made jam once in my life before and I did not really like how it turned out. I have never even tasted strawberry kiwi jam before.

Just for clarification, I am NOT pregnant, either.

So, I drove to the store, picked up some strawberries, kiwis, pectin, jars, lemon juice, and crystallized ginger (I did not even know that was a thing until I read the recipe). I also picked up some blackberries because they were on sale, and I have been on a diet for the past two weeks, so I figured, hey, why the hell not.

The jars only came in packs of twelve. Yes, TWELVE. What the literal f*ck am I going to do with twelve mason jars? Don’t you think it would be better to come in four, per se? For the folks like me who just want one batch and really don’t want to have to find a place for eight mason jars in a cabinet.

Resigned, I got home and made my jam. But them I glanced at the counter and saw the blueberries perched upon the granite. It was like I found Jesus or something. I snatched those up and realized that I had four cups of blackberries and four cups of blueberries. Google must have the answer!

Google did not have the answer, to my dismay. All the recipes I found were for either mixed berry, or just showed pictues. Well, excuse me if I am not Rainman here and can’t just count the amount of berries your mashing. Thanks man.

At a loss, I scanned the pectin box and found the recipes inside. I found that the blackberry needed 6 cups and the blueberry needed 5. So, that is 2/3 of the blackberry and 4/5 of the blueberry. If you multiply that, you get 5/6. So I added sugar amounts up and found 5/6 of that. Then I decided, f*ck that noise, and dumped five cups of sugar and a packet of pectin and roasted it. It tastes good, so whatever I did worked.

I had 4.3 jars full of Strawberry Kiwi and 4 jars of Blackberry Blueberry. I used the leftovers from the Blueberry Blackberry concoction and combined them. So, now I have 8.6  jars out of the twelve, with only three leftover as opposed to seven.

It’s all in a day’s work for me. And, I kind of used the jam-making as an excuse to not go to my uncle’s party.

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